5 Common Problems Men face on the First Night

As an andrologist it is very common to get mails asking help related to a bad experience or failure to perform on the first night. Most patients are trying for sex for the first time and unfortunately many of them do not have a smooth experience. Some problems are common and others are unique. Herein are the five most common problems that I get a consult for:

  1. Ejaculated too early

Most men are habitual to self-stimulation and the initial encounter with the partner makes them ejaculate at the very sight itself or the first touch. The story ends before it begins and it is a huge let down for most men on the first night. Once the refractory period starts it is difficult to induce erection too soon as there is a latency period between orgasm for majority of men. The sexual / visual stimulation is generally too strong and the event is associated with so many expectations that rapid stimulation and early ejaculation is natural. Subsequently it may get better once you are used to the stimuli. I do not advise any therapy for this but if it occurs too often, you may need some help. If the ejaculation occurs to early after penetration, thicker condoms can also help to reduce the sensitivity.

  1. Couldn’t get hard enough

The first sexual experience is a big thing for most men and along with it comes anxiety and apprehension. There is a pressure to perform on the first night as the first impression may be the last impression. Moreover no one wants to hear how they failed on the first night. Some even fear that they may never get a second chance. This pressure leads to psychogenic erectile dysfunction and men can’t get it hard enough to penetrate. Erection is a process that involves the penis as well as the mind and if either is troubled, the results will not be upto the expectations. Usually counselling can help in such cases and an informed partner can play a big role in allaying the anxiety. The first night is not a stage to make an impression or dominate but to start working in communion. If the erectile problem persists you may need some investigations and drugs to help you re-establish your confidence.

  1. Painful Sex

Pain is a very common concern with many men. Mostly it results from being too rash and being too anxious leading to severe pain and injuries. Being smooth requires a lot of balance and toning of muscles that are usually never used much and thus initially minor injuries are very common. The advice is to not experiment too much on the first encounter and keep it simple and stupid but pleasurable on the first night. Many a times there are severe injuries like penile fractures that happen because things get out of control and this leads to permanent disabilities. Many men also have phimosis or constricted foreskin so that it does not go back during intercourse. This leads to severe pain and makes a supposedly pleasurable experience painful. In such situations a condom can be really helpful, but it also means that there is a need to see an andrologist.

  1. Inability to penetrate

Sex is a mutually pleasurable activity, but for many women the pleasure comes in a little late. Initial sex for most women is difficult as the intoitus is narrow and penetration is difficult. As men we cannot predict if it will happen on our first night but many couples are not able to consummate the first time. It takes more efforts and understanding on how to have an intercourse before they are successful. There are many ways to avoid this situation. The first and foremost is to avoid making the first night such a big deal. Use of lubricant and allowing the female partner to take lead are very important to avoid injuries and a painful experience. Man on top with the partner having her hands on the man’s chest to provide resistance and to guide is a good way to go and avoid bitterness on the first night.

  1. Fear of pregnancy

Even if all goes well the fear of pregnancy can subsequently ruin your experience. Most young couples are not ready to have a child just yet and protection is the key factor to avoid anxiety after sex. Condoms are a key and thinner condoms provide better sexual experience for men. Combined with lubricants that are also spermicidal, the conception rates approach nullity and you can be rest assured that chances of pregnancy are cut down.  Other issues that raise alarm and exposure of semen to the vagina through fingers or breakage of the condom barrier. It is uncommon to expect pregnancy if semen touches the outer genital region but it cannot be completely nullified.

These are some of the commonest issues that men face on the first night or the first sexual encounter, but of course there are many new fears that can come up and disturb the special moments. If you have any such queries please feel free to mail us your feedback and queries.